The nightmare became the next day and that day had become another night. Jesse Shores waited as long as he could. He was alone in the waiting room and could stand it no more.
He made his way to the room, nodding at Ripley, steadfast in front of the door. “Need anything?”
Ripley shook his head. “Another guard dog will be in here in an hour. I’ll get a few hours rest and be back.”
Jesse smiled. “Thank you.”
“Just doing my job.”
“It’s more than that.” Jesse touched the man on the shoulder. “Just thank you.”
Ripley nodded his head and stepped to the side allowing Jesse to push the door open and walk into the darkness. Billy was stretched out on a bed, sleeping soundly. He walked to him, hands in jacket pockets and looked down.
“They gave him a sedative to make him sleep.” Came the voice softly from the corner.
Jesse looked up. “How ‘bout you? Have you gotten any rest at all?”
“I tried.” She sighed. “But I just can’t leave him alone.”
He nodded his head and walked to where she stood, looking down at Ian, battered and swollen almost beyond recognition. He put his arm around her and she leaned in.
“He should be awake by now.” She said. “I’m afraid he’s given up. I’m afraid he can’t take it anymore.”
“He’ll make it.” Jesse said almost to convince himself. “He has to.”
Saxon Allen turned to him and looked in Jesse’s eyes in the dark. “I don’t know that if I where in his place that I wouldn’t just give up, too. There’s been too much, Jesse.”
“He’s got Ronnie now.” He put his hands on her shoulders and tried to look into her eyes. “He’s got us.”
She put her head on his chest. “I’ve seen him, Jesse. I’ve seen him when he thinks I’m not looking, one eye is full of terror and the other is full of pain. He can’t shake it.”
“I’ve seen it, too, Saxon, but there’s something you’re forgetting. When he thinks no one’s watching, when he gets that look in his eyes, the rest of him gets ready for that swift kick in the balls that comes out of nowhere. When that’s gone, that’s when we should start to worry.”
Jesse could feel the woman smile and she pulled him close. He rubbed her back and swayed lightly. “Ronnie knows.” He said. “Jeremy says he thinks he already knew.”
“How did he take it?” She pulled back and asked.
“Just like Ian would, went right into let’s get organized mode. He wanted to come straight to the hospital but Susan talked him into waiting until the morning.”
“He’s going to stay with them?”
“Tonight.” Jess confirmed. “Tomorrow they’ll bring him here and then he’ll be with us until Ian goes home.”
“Good.” Saxon wiped both her eyes in the dark. “He needs to feel as normal as possible.”
“We were going to put him in the big guest room, but I’m going to have him bunk with me for a while. I don’t want him to ever feel like he’s alone unless he wants to be.”
Saxon released her grip on Jesse and walked over to Ian’s bed. She reached down and brushed his hair with the palm of her hand.
“Why don’t you just tell him and get it over with?” Jesse asked her.
“Tell him what?”
“That you’re I love with him, always have been and always will be.”
She whipped her head to him. “Shhhh! He may be able to hear you.”
“Just because he’s blind and stupid doesn’t mean the rest of us are.” Jesse said. He stepped to her and took her hand. He kissed it and put it over Ian’s heart. “Tell him.”
“If only I could.”
“Why not?”
She pulled her hand away. “I don’t know, terror in one eye and pain in the other?”
“Better hurry up, or you’re never gonna feel that swift kick in the balls.”
Saxon giggled. “Your Mama said something similar.” She leaned over and kissed Ian on the forehead, then took Jesse by the hand. “Come over here, let’s sit down and talk.”
Jesse allowed himself to be led over to some chairs by a window and sat down with Saxon. She released one of his hands, but not the other. “If I thought Ian were free, I’d fall all over myself draggin’ that man to the alter.”
“But…”
She smiled and looked out the window into the night. “He’s not free, not even as he would say, merely inexpensive.”
“There’s no one else.” Jesse said flatly. “I can guarantee you, there is no one else.”
“I know.” She struggled for the right words. “Ian keeps that part of himself locked up. He struggles just to be a father. All that’s happened, he thinks there’s this cloud of darkness that follows him around.”
Jesse sighed and looked over at the man in the bed hooked up to all the machines. “And with his life, damn it...”
“If he thought he loved me, or knew how I really felt about him he’d push me away so fast…”
“Just because he wouldn’t want you to get hit by the next thunderbolt from the sky.”
She smiled weakly. “And with his track record, hell with mine, how do I prove otherwise?”
“Blindside him.” Jesse squeezed her hand. “Don’t give him a choice. That’s kind of what God did with Ronnie.”
“Clare tried it, and look how that turned out.”
“I never met the woman, but from everything I’ve heard you are definitely not Clare.”
“I think Ian and I are both resigned that the way it is, is how it will always be.” Saxon squeezed Jesse’s hand right back. “But I’ll make us both a promise, if the opportunity ever presents itself for something more, I’ll go for it.”
Jesse smiled. “That’s all I ask.”
“You know, if it wouldn’t make me feel like a cradle robber I just might come after you, young man.” Saxon pinched Jesse’s chin.
“Well, Saxon, if it does anything to encourage you I’ve been known to cruise the Senior Citizen’s Home now and then.” Jesse smiled because he made her laugh. “But I know I’d always be second choice, so as much as it breaks my heart I’ve let that dream go.” He thumbed over Ian. “The comatose dude in traction the only one for you.”
Jesse kissed Saxon’s cheek. “Now, go home. Get some rest. Come back in the morning. I’ll be here. If he even moves a finger I’ll call.”
“I can’t, Jess.” She shook her head. “I can’t leave him.”
“Then go stretch out on the couch in the waiting room.”
“I’m fine.”
Jesse bit his lip and shuffled his feet. “Saxon…” He rubbed his hands through his hair. “Saxon, I…I, uh…” He cleared his throat and struggled. “I…need a little time…alone…with him.”
“Jesse, honey…” Saxon put her hand on his cheek.
“Please…” He sighed. “Just a little time…”
“Of course.” Saxon put her arms around him. She could feel him struggling to hold it in. “I’ll go get Ripley and I a cup of coffee.” Jesse nodded his head. “I’ll be just down the hall if you need me.”
Saxon hugged the boy-man close for just a second longer and then stood. She walked over to Ian, kissed his cheek then quietly let herself out of the room.
Jesse watched her go, staring at the closed door behind her. He didn’t move from his chair for the longest moment. All he could do was sit there and stare at the man in the bed.
He finally took a deep breath and stood. It was only four or five steps to Ian’s bedside but they were the most difficult steps Jesse Shores had ever taken. He stood over the man, hands in pockets just watching him.
There was a chair in the corner near him. He pulled it as close to the bed as he possibly could. He sat down put both his arms on the bed and put his forehead on them. His mind pinged and ponged, almost outracing his heart. When Jesse had control, he put his chin on his forearms and looked again at the closed eyes of his neighbor, his friend.
“I know.” He said so softly, Jesse himself almost couldn’t hear it. “Do you?”
Jesse sat up, his hands folding as if in prayer to his mouth. “I don’t know what to do. I need you. Tell me what to do.”
He stood up, chair scooting back against the wall in a loud thud. He paced up and down the length of the bed, finally going back to chairs by the window and sitting down. He stared out into the darkness for a while and then pulled an old yellowing envelope out of his jacket pocket.
“This fell on the floor.” He looked up at Ian just as if they could have a conversation. “You remember when you where getting that little half penny to give to Saxon, the one from your Aunt Hil’s box? I found some papers there, the ones I waved at you?”
He stood and went to Ian’s bedside again. “You didn’t know what they were, but you were in a hurry so I said I’d put the box back in the closet. Don’t get all anal on me, Ian. I put it back, exactly where it goes, but when I went to turn off the lights and leave, this was laying on the floor half under the bed.”
Jesse took the only hand Ian had free. He held it carefully knowing there were clips and wires attached to it. “Blue took those papers, Ian or at least I think he did. They’re gone. I didn’t remember until after I talked to the police that I still had this one in my back pocket. I hadn’t looked at it then, but when I remembered.”
He let loose of Ian’s hand. He began to tremble as he opened the envelope and slipped out the folded yellowing paper inside. He laid it on Ian’s stomach and took his hand again.
“I don’t know what to do, Ian. I don’t know that it explains what happened or why. In fact, it only makes everything worse. How? Why? What the fuck, man?”
“I’m scared Ian.” Jess put his other hand on Ian’s heart. “Terrified, so open your eyes and talk to me. Whatever, we are in this together. I promise, cause if whatever was in the rest of those envelopes is anything like this, the world is about to get really crazy.”
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