Chapters One to Twenty Six
Vignettes 1 - 140

Chapters 27 to
Vignettes 141 -

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Vignette #232: Defining Goober

Billy rushed into the living room. “Okay, the world is definitely coming to an end.”

Reese shoved his little brother from behind Ripley. “Guess you’ll be calling Sarah Palin.”

“What would I call that thing for?” Jesse sniffed.

“You said when the world came to an end you’d do her.”

“Oooh! Baby Doll that would make a great television show!”

“What, my little brother having sex with a rather…let’s not even get into that…politician?”

“No.” It was Tippy’s turn to roll her eyes. “An anthology comedy series about all the promises people would have to keep when Hell freezes over.”

Ian’s eyes popped. “Let me write that down.” He reached to the little drawer under the coffee table for one of his little pads.

“That one’s on your desk in the den.” Ripley reminded him. “I saw you write something on it and take it in there this morning.”

Tippy jotted a note down on something she pulled out of her bra. “Here. I want partial creation credit.”

Ian grabbed the note with two fingers and swallowed hard. “Uh…thank you?” He looked for a place to put the offensive slip down.

Billy put his hands on his hips. “I’m sure that being a Goober has its benefits, but most of the time it just means you’re a Goober.”

“What’s a Goober?” Jesse asked.

“I think it’s one of those Southernisms.” Ripley said.

“Wasn’t that a dude on the old ‘Andy Griffith Show’?” Someone piped in.

“I don’t think you can be a dude and be a Goober at the same time.” Reese mused.

“Mom, what’s a Goober?” Jesse asked.

“Well, honey.” Tippy thought a second. “Usually that’s a term we use for…”

“Obviously, I’ve just tossed another crayon on the floor in a room full of Bi-Polar children hopped up on sugar.” Billy moaned then clapped his hands. “Attention! Attention people, back on the important subject.”

“Yes, right.” Colton has to think a moment and then got back to the original subject. “So Billy, why is the world coming to an end?”

“Actually, that wasn’t the subject.”

“Yes, it was.” Ian corrected him. “You came in the room and said the world was coming to an end.”

Billy got an odd look on his face. “Oh, yeah.”

“Now who’s a Goober?” Jesse snorted.

Billy gave Jesse a playful shove. “Um, sorry, I just walked by Ian’s den and my daughter is in there, sitting on the love seat with Clare giggling and listening to her belly.”

“Vonnie? And Clare?” Ian froze at the thought.

The room was silent for a moment, finally broken when Jesse said softly. “Does any one have Sarah Palin’s cell phone number?”

“The room temp wasn’t fifteen degrees lower either.”

“I never understood what the two of them have against each other.” Tippy asked no one in particular.

“Some people just naturally don’t like each other.” Ian said.

“Like Batman and Joker.” Jesse added.

“But Vonnie’s a little girl.” Tippy retorted. “How can anyone simply not like a sweet little girl?”

“Tippy, Vonnie is my daughter.” Billy told her. “I love her without question, and wouldn’t have her any other way than she is, but let’s be honest she’s not the typical sweet little girl.”

“She’s a hellion in pigtails.” Ian smiled.

“Sometimes.” Reese agreed. “Sometimes just one pigtail with a mass of hair on the other side and a little pink ribbon screaming to get away.”

“That about sums it up.” Ripley nodded. “I adore her, but I can see how she and Clare wouldn’t be able to stand each other. They’re so much alike.”

Everyone in the room froze except for Ian who quietly turned to Billy and put his hand on his forearm. “Drown her. Drown her now. We’ll all swear it was an accident.”

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