Vonnie had her cat draped over one arm and her “Hello Kitty” purse draped over the other. “Now Percy, we’re going over to Uncle Ian’s house. Granny and Poppy are having some kind of TV show here and for some reason they only want humans around. You can spend the day with your sister. She’s calmed down now that Uncle Ian’s home so you should be fine.”
She was almost to the back door when she remembered something else. “Oh, and the mean fat lady will be over here in the back yard so that’s another plus for you.” She hefted the seemingly spineless and happy cat a little. “I hope that lady has the baby soon or I’m gonna hafta kill ‘er.”
“Young lady!” She heard the scolding tone behind her.
Vonnie froze and whispered to Percy. "Uh oh." The tot slowly turned around to face her accuser.
“Have you been in your Uncle’s room?” The housekeeper stood before her holding three manila envelopes.
“I never go into any one’s room unless I’m invited.” Vonnie looked up and smiled innocently. When the housekeeper tapped her foot and cleared her throat she added, less innocently, “Or when I’m bored and they leave the door open.”
“Did you by any chance get bored and wander through your Uncle Jesse’s bedroom door this morning?”
“No, Miss Inez. I swear.” Vonnie blinked.
“Then why did I find this unopened mail in his trash can?”
“I don’t know.”
“I suppose these just fell off his desk and into the trash can themselves?” She waived the mailers at her.
“Miss Inez, I’m only four. I don’t understand the dynamics of physics. Perhaps you should speak with some one older if you need some help in that department.” Vonnie said, instantly knowing by the look on the woman’s face that her comment didn’t come out as adorable as she’d hoped it would.
“Vonda Rae Jarvis, I’d watch my…”
“Is there a problem, Inez?”
The woman gave Vonnie the fearful “I’m spilling the beans” look, giving the little girl only a moment to figure out how to prove her innocence. “Mr. Jesse, I’m afraid the young one here has been playing in your room without permission again.”
Her uncle shot Vonnie a look, and she knew she was safe. “Vonnie doesn’t need permission to go in my room when the door is open. We have a little deal. She’s allowed to use my portable DVR player until she saves up her allowance to buy one of her own.”
“It’s in the bottom drawer of his desk.” Vonnie grinned at the housekeeper with pride. “He trusts me with it. I won’t drop it and break it and hide it in the trash can like you do when you break the good glasses.”
Inez smirked at the four year old, determined to get her for that last remark. “Then why…” She placed the trio of envelopes in Jesse’s hands. “…Did I find your unopened mail in the trash can?” She grinned down at Vonnie, knowing she’d finally scored.
“Because I put them there.” Jesse shocked the housekeeper with his comment.
“Why would you do something like that?”
“Actually, Inez, what I do and don’t do with my mail is none of your business.” Jesse did his best not to be cross. “I understand your thinking there was some kind of mistake and appreciate your bringing it to my attention.”
“Of course, Mr. Jesse.”
“You’ve been with us a long time, Inez. I don’t understand this sudden need to be accusatory. If you think there is a problem, bring it to the attention of the person it concerns, please don’t ever bring it to the attention of someone else first.”
“Of course, Mr. Jesse.”
“Now, exactly what were you doing in my room without permission?”
The tables had turned and Vonnie was enjoying seeing the woman squirm.
“Well…I…” Inez cleared her throat. “Miss Tippy wanted me to make sure all the trash cans were emptied in case one of the crew needed to use the facilities…sir.”
“I appreciate your being thorough, Inez, but I’m sure the crew will have no need to wander up to the third floor to pee.”
“Yes, sir. It won’t happen again, Mr. Jesse.” Inez took her leave and wandered off mumbling in Spanish.
“Do you understand Spanish, Uncle Jesse?” Vonnie looked up in relief and smiled.
“Yes, but apparently Inez doesn’t know that.”
“What’s she saying?”
“I’ll tell you when you’re older.” Jesse bent over and gave her a hug. “Does she give you a hard time, Sweetheart?”
“Uncle Jesse, I’m four.” She sighed. “Let’s face it, that always makes it my fault.”
“I understand. Until you came along, I was the youngest in this house.” He pushed a hair off her face and kissed her forehead. “It really, really sucks sometimes.”
“S’okay, I can handle it.” Vonnie sighed and hoisted the kitty up in her arms. “But when I grow up and rule the world, the first thing I’m gonna do is have that woman deported.”
Jesse laughed. “I thought the first thing you were going to do was marry Ronnie.”
“Oh that’s just gonna happen, Miss Inez…I’m gonna make happen.” She turned to leave.
“Uhm…where exactly do you think your going?” He asked.
She turned and gave him the old “Not you, too” look. “I’m takin’ Percy over to Uncle Ian’s. Granny’s afraid Percy’ll get in the way.”
“Tell you what, why don’t we just put Percy in your room and close the door?”
“My rooms on the first floor. I ain’t worked my way up to the Penhouse yet. Them Goobers with cables done let him out three times already.”
“Tell you what, let’s make Miss Inez crazy. You take Percy up to my room and shut the door. Move the litter box in there with some food and water. He’ll be nice and cozy.”
Vonnie grinned. “’Kay.”
The little one scampered off, cat in tow as Jesse looked at the envelopes in his hands. He rolled his eyes and dumped them for the second time in the trash.
“Junk mail?” He startled at the voice suddenly behind him.
“What?” He said as he spun around.
“Didn’t mean to startle you.” Claire looked miserable. “I just came in where it’s cooler. I know the audience is supposed to be outside, but for 5 A.M. it’s effing hot out there.”
“You being pretty effing pregnant probably has a lot to do with it.” Jesse smiled at her. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“No thanks. That’ll just make me hafta pee, again.” She sighed as she lifted herself down into the nearest chair. “One of these kids has discovered how to squeeze my bladder.”
Jesse grinned ear to ear. “I still can’t believe your going to have twins. We should have guessed.”
“Do twins run in your family?”
“No, but it explains why you’re bigger than Disneyland.” The nasty look Claire gave him made Jesse try and lighten her mood. “Hey, now you can run out and buy two of everything…I know how you love to shop.”
“You do it then.” She snarled.
“Just trying to make you smile, Claire.” Jesse pouted.
“You wanna make me smile, Jesse?” Claire tried to get comfortable in the easy chair. “Reach in my uterus and yank these kids out for me.”
Claire caught a whiff of her mood. “Sorry, Jesse. I know you are trying to be kind, but right now I am hot and sweaty and soooo sick of being pregnant.”
“Well, on the bright side the doctor did say you could go at any time.”
“A week ago…exactly how long is ‘any time now’ in California?” Claire moaned. “Okay, let’s change the subject maybe that will get me out of this mood. So why are you throwing your unopened mail away?”
Jesse looked down at the envelopes in the trash. “Actually one is opened, I assume the others are the same so I’m not bothering.”
“I repeat myself.” She said. “Junk mail?”
“Sort of.” Jesse squirmed a little. “Someone’s idea of a joke. Three identical manila envelopes, no return address, I opened the first one and it had nothing in it but a DVD…of home made gay porn.”
“What?”
“I popped it in my computer and voila, two dudes going at it.”
“And the other two?”
“Who cares?” Jesse said. “In the trash, unopened.”
“You know I’ve never seen gay porn.” Claire giggled.
Jesse picked the envelopes up out of the trash and tossed the to her. “Have at it then.”
She looked at the manila suddenly in her lap. “Why didn’t you open the other two?”
“I figured more of the same, not interested.” Jesse turned to leave her. “Oh, if by chance one of them has a note or a clue who they’re from; let me know so I can go kick their ass.”
“You got it.”
Vonnie strutted by holding a water and a food dish.
“You need help, Sweetheart?” Jesse asked.
“I got it, Uncle Jesse.” She smiled and sashayed along as he disappeared. Vonnie froze when she spotted Claire looking at her.
“Vista.” Claire said a nodded her head.
“Cleo.” Vonnie returned the greeting and scooted quickly up the stairs. When she reached the door to Jesse’s room, she struggled just a moment with her goods but got it opened and let herself inside.
Percy was happily lounging on the bed, making Vonnie smile. “You are happy in here.” She plopped down beside him. “I like it in here, too.”
Looking around the room. “’Kay now, your litter box is in the bathroom and I’ll put your food and water…um…right here.” She popped off the bed and plopped the dishes beside the desk.
She spotted something shiny in the floor behind the trashcan. Curiosity got the best of her and she snatched it up. “Cool! A driver’s license!”
Vonnie hurled herself onto the bed beside her cat and looked at the new found treasure. “It’s not Uncle Jesse’s.” She pointed out the picture to Percy. “I never seed this guy before.”
Popping open her “Hello Kitty” purse she slipped the plastic inside. “I’ll just keep it until I see the guy and then I’ll give it back to him.”
She stroked Percy’s fur. “You think they’ll let me drive while I got it?”
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