Vignette #14: Seriously

Even with the raincoat on, Ian couldn’t help but notice that the woman’s boobs entered the room a good three seconds before the rest if her did. He stood as she entered his office, maintaining as much professional decorum as he could possibly could.

Blake managed to get around the form and announce. “Ian, this is Ms. Helton.”

The woman held out her hand. “Please call me Bambi, Mr. Justyn.”

He took it, and was surprised that despite all the plastic how warm her touch was. “And you, please, call me Ian.”

“May I take your coat?” Blake offered.

She nodded, and peeled it off revealing something resembling a dress she had somehow managed to get at least two layers of skin over. Neither Ian nor Blake knew quite what to make of the situation or what the woman was even doing in his office. This was not the type of company that handled this sort thing.

Ian motioned to a chair way on the other side of his desk. “Please have a seat.” He hoped that at least making her comfortable, would in some way make him a little more comfortable. “Would you like something to drink?”

She looked up over the mountain of cleavage and smiled through thick injected lips. “Oh, some mineral water would be so nice.” She batted eyelashes that had to be extremely heavy. “With a straw please.” She tried to turn to face Blake as he smiled as only he could and went for the mineral water.

Ian took his seat behind his desk. “Now, Miss Helton, what can I do for you?”

“Bambi…” She leaned back in the chair and looked as comfortable as she probably could get. “First of all, thank you for taking this meeting with me on such short notice.”

“Well…Bambi…” Ian folded his hands together on top of his desk. “As I’ve said I don’t have a lot of time, but I’d be happy to take a short meeting with you.”

“Of course.” She said kind of trying to turn and take the plastic bottle with the straw that Blake appeared and offered. “Thank you.” She put the bottle on the edge of Ian’s desk and scooted her chair in closer, as Blake magically disappeared. “Shall I just get to the point?”

“By all means.”

Her voice was high and breathy, like Marilyn Monroe huffing helium. “I haven’t been able to get people at any of the networks to talk to me…”

Ian smiled understanding her reasoning. “So you thought you’d come to the newest guy in town…”

She tried to beam; it was exhausting Ian just watching her trying to manipulate her extremely surgically enhanced features. “You’re so smart. I knew you’d understand.”

Ian smiled, feeling very sorry for her in more ways than one. “I’ll be happy to listen…Bambi…but being the new guy in town, I’m not sure I have the ability to make too many promises.”

She leaned forward, Ian almost afraid the quick weight shift would cause her to topple over. “I just appreciate someone just taking a minute for me.”

Bambi managed to get her chair even closer to his desk, close enough to fully rest her breasts on the desktop. Oddly, the maneuver seemed to relieve some of the stress in her shoulders and face, to the point that the relaxation of muscle tension might actually allow her face to over come the cheek implants and collagen injections to move pseudo naturally.

“I’m here to make a pitch.”

“A pitch?”

“For a TV show.”

“A series?” He questioned. “You’ve developed a television series?” She bobbed her head in agreement with surprising ease, picked up the mineral water and took a deep, uhm, sip from the straw. “I’m surprised. I had no idea, that you were interested in television.”

“Well…I am an actress.” She manipulated the massive facial enhancements into a smile.

“Of course.”

“I’m having such a hard time getting anyone to take me seriously.” She cocked her head; Ian could swear he heard the starch white tresses snap. “Can you believe that?”

“It’s a tough town.”

“So I was thinking what better way than to do…” she waited a beat as if it were something no one would ever guess, “…a reality series.”

Ian bit his lip. “A reality series?”

“Uh huh, and all about my day to day life.” She attempted a wide smile. “Look what it’s done for Kathy Griffin?”

“Sort of a “My Life on the Double D List?” He smiled hoping he didn’t offend her.

She threw back her head and laughed. Ian was sure some would have thought it erotic; to him it was like nails on a very high-pitched blackboard. “Triple D.” She said in what some would have considered a sultry tone.

“I apologize Bambi.” Ian found her tragically charming, and wanted to be honest with her, sure not a lot people, especially men, had been. “But you are leaving me at such a loss for words. I’m…impressed.”

“It’s okay, honey.” She leaned back in her chair. The heavy desk creaked at the relief of the weight of her top no longer on it’s top. “I’m not totally stupid.”

“Ma’am…” Ian struggled for the right words. “I did not mean to insinuate that I thought you were stupid.”

“Ma’am?” She sat up straight in the chair. Bambi put her hand to her throat. “That’s the sweetest thing any one has ever said to me.”

It was Ian’s turn to lean back in his chair and take a good look at the person sitting before him. “You are totally serious, aren’t you?”

She shifted her head to the other side. “About what? You being sweet or my wanting to get into television?”

“Both.” Ian stood and reached a hand out to her. He helped her stand up. “I need to apologize to you.”

“What for, honey?”

“I honestly thought this was a joke.” Bambi tried to withdraw her hand, but Ian held on. “Being the new guy, when you walked in here I thought maybe this was some kind of test, set up as it may be from I don’t know…someone with a sick sense of humor up stairs.”

Bambi dropped her head, attempting to look around her boobs to the floor. “I understand.”

Ian cleared his throat searching for the right words. “I thought I’d heard the name when Blake forwarded your messages. I haven’t seen any of your…work. Where I come from there’s not a lot of access to it, but even in the sticks we know who you are…but I thought why would…”

Bambi, didn’t look up from the spot in the floor, her hand in Ian’s was damp and cold. “Someone whose resume high points consist of ‘Pokey Hot Ass’ and ‘Little Porn Shop of Horror’ want a meeting with you.”

“Yes…I’m afraid so.” Ian looked at her spot on the floor, then touched her enhanced chin with his fingers guiding it up so her eyes had to meet his. “It was very cruel and self-centered for that to even enter my mind. Please, forgive me.”

“Of course.” She said rather sadly. “Forgive me for wasting both our time.” She broke from his grasp, turning to go.

Ian stopped her. “You and I are a lot alike, I think.”

“You give head for a thousand bucks a money shot?” She didn’t turn around.

“No, ma’am.” Ian took a little step towards her. “We’ve both had rough pasts, and found ourselves doing whatever we thought we had to do to get the world to notice us.”

She looked over he shoulder as best she could. “You have no idea.”

He smiled at her, acknowledging the tear managing to stay in her eye. “You have no idea.” He motioned for her. “Come here, I want to show you something.” He slipped his arm around her and walked her out to the balcony railing.

“Every morning I come in, the first thing I do is walk out here and take a look down there.” He pointed to the pavement below. “What do you think would happen, if we both jumped…right now.”?

Bambi looked down at the concrete. “Well, if I landed on m’tits, I’d probably just bounce.”

Ian squeezed her close. “Bambi, if you landed on those, you’d probably set off an explosion that would wipe out the entire block.”

Bambi tossed back her head and released a natural, deep throaty laugh.

Ian smiled, he pointed to the ground below. “That’s where I came from. So, I look down there and I think it’s not that far, and it would happen so fast.” She turned to look at him with genuine concern in her eyes. He put his hands on both her shoulders and looked at her. “I keep thinking, against all those impossible odds, with all the stupid mistakes I made that didn’t seem so stupid at the time, how the hell did I get up here?”

“How did ‘ja?”

Ian nodded his head inside. He turned her to face the open door of his office, stood behind her and pointed. “Look at them.”

He pointed and made Bambi could take notice of Daryn walking across the floor talking into a cell phone so she could lay a folder on someone’s desk. They watched Sean, the young man at that desk excitedly pick up the folder and give Daryn the thumbs up. Wella nodded and high-fived him as she walked by.

Ian talked into Bambi’s ear as she continued to watch the busy-ness of the office. “All those people, helpless as little individuals, but together they create, we create…energy…and power.”

Ian turned Bambi back around to face him. “I got here because of them, good people working together to keep all of us from splatting down there.” He thumbed back over his shoulder.

“You’re lucky, you got good people.”

“Bambi, if you want to be taken seriously. I will take you seriously.”

She smiled. “You mean it?”

Ian nodded his head. “Honestly, but you have to take yourself seriously first. Are you still doing…uh…”?

“Porn?” She tried to smile. “Ian, I’m not sure if I gave it up or it gave me up.” She attempted to shrug her shoulders. “We all have a shelf life.”

He gestured for her to step back in the office. “I’m not interested in any kind of reality series.”

“No?”

“I think unless it was something so new and so different it’s not worth the time and trouble, yours or mine.”

“But…” she tried to interject but he held up his hand.

“You want to be taken seriously as an actress, you bring me a serious acting project.”

“Maybe an action show, like Pamela Lee Anderson?” Her eyes brightened.

“Bring me a show like Bambi Helton.” Ian looked her dead in eyes. “The real Bambi Helton, and I’ll take a serious look. Find good people, good ideas, good writers and you will force everyone to take a serious look. I’ll help, we will help you in anyway we can."

“You mean that don’t you?” she bit her bubbly lips and looked at him, Ian could swear, for the first time as a whole person.

“I mean it.” He smiled at her, having had finally done the same for her and gently kissed her hand. “Let me walk you to the elevator.”

She nodded her head and they stepped out of the office. Instantaneously Blake was there with her coat.

“How does he do that?” She asked as Ian took it and held it out for her.

“Thank you” she said manipulating her arms into the sleeves. “It’s kinda creepy…and sexy.” It was obvious that she wasn’t used to being treated like a lady.

They walked silently to the elevators and Ian pushed the button for her. She looked at him and smiled deeply, as best she could. “I will be back.”

“I don’t doubt it for the world, but next time…”

She finished his sentence for him. “The real Bambi Helton.” She stepped in the elevator, but held the door open with her hand. “Ian after being here all day, tell me, do you go home and watch television?”

“Of course.”

“No. I mean watch television, just to be entertained?”

He thought a moment, and then answered honestly. “I guess now I just analyze it.”

“Me, too.” She sighed and let go of the doors. “Isn’t it sad?”

The doors shut. Ian thought a moment and turned to go back into his office. He couldn’t help but notice Trish staring at him.

“What?”

“You wouldn’t seriously offer her a contract.”

“She could out act Bette Davis in ‘Now, Voyager’, but as long as she looks like that I doubt I could do anything for her.” He looked back at the elevators and back to Trish.

“You just gonna tap it then?” Trish smiled.

Ian shook his head. “Trish, if I found Tupperware erotic, I’d never get out my kitchen.”