BOOK ONE: DECEPTIONS
Chapters One to Twenty Six
Vignettes 1 - 140

BOOK TWO: YESTERDAY ECHOES
Chapters 27 to
Vignettes 141 -

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Vignette #49: Home

When the men satiated themselves with pizza, and Tippy finished running Ian’s life for the night, he finally found himself alone by the pool, with the exception of Ralphie who had made himself comfortable in a chaise. The table was again spread with spread sheets, contracts and spec scripts. The ashtray was over flowing.

Ian dumped it in the trashcan he had reserved for ashes, rinsed out the tray and place it in the dishwasher, and got a clean one out of the cabinet. Thinking it was getting too dark out, he opted to gather his work and move inside.

Scratching Ralphie’s ears, he began making stacks. “Okay, finished…not looked at…not going to look at…and…” he paused by the letter from home. He picked it up, pulling out and rereading the letters.

He stared at the picture, the one Tippy left behind. He traced his finger down the bridge of the boy’s nose. He couldn’t help it. The picture reminded him of the ache, the one that he had learned to live around.

“Cute kid.” Came the voice that startled him. “He yours?”

Ian looked up at the smiling face of Kellen Jackson. Ian snapped a smile on to his own face. “He belongs to the people who bought my house in Virginia. You’re little boy is right over there, sleeping by the pool.”

Kellen laughed. “I’ve gotten to the point when I come home, I just come straight over here and get him. As soon as I figure out how…”

“No sweat. I enjoy the company. Long day at work?”

“Long night. I work mostly nights.”

“Is it that late?”

“Not for me. Have you got a minute?”

“Sure. Have a seat.” Ian continued to shove the last piles in his pack, leaving out the one he still wanted to look through before he called it a day.

“I talked to my friends down at the station for you.”

“And?”

“And not much. They talked to a few people and will officially close the case, probably accidental suicide, as soon as the coroner’s report comes back. Sorry…it does seem pretty open and shut.”

Ian nodded his head. “Thank you. It all just struck me as odd.”

“Other than the needle in the thigh, everything else is unfortunately run of the mill.” Kellen reached in his pocket and handed Ian a slip of paper. “I did get the names and numbers of a few of her friends. I thought if it still bothered you, maybe talking to one of them would help.”

“Thank you. I appreciate the effort, but I think I can let this go.”

“You blame yourself.”

“I’m not sure that blame is the word. I just felt an odd connection.”

“Connection? You and a porno queen?”

“She had it rough. Been there. Still fighting it, will always fight it.”

“Ian…” Kellen leaned forward and said with a soft, politely warning tone, “Any rough time this Bambi Helton was having she brought on herself. Everyone pays the consequences of the choices they have made. No one pays for someone else’s sins, unless they choose to.”

Ian cocked his head. “I’m not sure I believe that. There is too much that happens at random.”

Kellen shook his head emphatically. “Buddy, I was a cop for too long, and that was more than enough to realize that there is actually very little, if anything, that is random. If you trace things back far enough, with enough detail you can always find a moment when the string got tied, that was tripped over by someone else, who knocked the bucket over that spilled the water the preacher slipped in.”

“Kellen, I’m an orphan, a poor backwards mountain orphan, raised by the son of a woman who took my mother, another orphan, in. I ended up raising myself in cliché poverty. I didn’t even have indoor plumbing until got unlucky enough to sell some worthless land and got lucky to find I had a scholarship to college.”

Ian tried to make his point, “Yeah, I decided enough was enough and made the decisions that got me out of there, but I’m sorry, you will never, ever convince me that my mother or I made choices that forced us to be raised by people who not only had nothing, but didn’t really want us in the first place.”

“I understand…but may I be a cop a moment?” Kellen asked. Ian shrugged and Kellen continued. “Why did these people take you in if they didn’t want you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then how do you know?”

“Look, the way I feel isn’t about who did this to me, or even why it happened. It’s about knowing it happened and the constant feeling that I not only did have any control over it, but the fear it makes me live with every day, the fear that there is something or someone I should know.”

“What for?”

“To be prepared.” Ian reached for the cigarette Kellen offered. “I’m an escapee, Kellen, and being a cop, you should know, whenever there’s an escape, there’s someone looking for you, to drag you back and make sure you never have the opportunity to escape again.”

“Ian, you can tell me. Have you done something wrong?”

“No, just beat some pretty insurmountable odds. There were a few times I had to make some tough choices, choices a kid should never have to make, but I made them.

“You’re feeling guilty, not responsible.”

Ian took a drag of his cigarette and looked out into the dark night air. “Maybe.”

“Hey, buddy, you’re in a position or soon will be in a position to help reduce the odds for the next mountain cliché trying to get out of there. That’s the side you should be looking at.”

“Yeah.” He smiled and picked up the picture of Ronnie Osbourne. He touched the smiling little face. “He looks like his mother.”

“You know the kid’s family?” Kellen reached for the picture and laughed to himself. “Forgive me, small town, you probably know every body’s family.”

Ian laughed, too. “Probably, everybody somebody’s third cousin twice removed, but this little boy’s family was one of the few who were good to me. I’ve tried to do right by them.”

“Problems?”

“No, I just can’t help but wonder, now that time has gone by, if I did right by them or just by me.”

Kellen took the picture out of Ian’s hand. “From the look on this little guy’s face, I’d say things have gone right for both sides of that coin.” He handed the picture back.

Ian nodded his head, slipped the picture back in the envelope and laid it to rest on the tabletop. “You have any kids?”

Kellen started to shake his head and looked out at the space of nowhere Ian had looked at earlier. “Similar situation, Ian. Made a mistake at fifteen, and thought we made a good decision. It didn’t make sense for two fifteen years olds, so I tell myself that three lives were made better, every day.”

“That was the best decision.”

Kellen crushed out his smoke. “It was a little boy, that’s all I know. I think about him all the time. How old would he be now? Would he look like me? Would he have his mother’s temper? You’d think after all this time, it would have gotten easier, but it hasn’t. It's gotten easier to move on.”

“Does your girlfriend know?”

Kellen looked at Ian with a big question mark on his face. “Girlfriend?”

“The woman you were…” Ian suddenly realized he’d given himself away.

Kellen laughed, a big, easy belly laugh. “Amanda? The woman you watched me…”

Ian cut him off and covered his face in shame and embarrassment. “We all know what…please let it drop, let it drop! Sorry…I am so sorry…”

“Ian, you are a trip…” Kellen wiped a tear out of his eye. “Amanda is my ex-wife. She left me for another woman, every once and awhile she gives me a call and I oblige. I’m easy. What can I say?”

“I…uh…um…”

“Yes she knows about the kid and no she wasn’t the mother. A girl in my old neighborhood and no I don’t have any contact with her. She was killed in one of those stupid car wrecks on graduation night. Anymore questions?”

“God no…”

Kellen laughed again and clapped his hands. “Com’on Ralphie, let’s go home.” Ralphie leaped to his master’s command. “Ian, as always a pleasure.” Ian watched to dog follow and Kellen chuckle all the way out of sight.

Ian picked the envelope up off the table, picked up his backpack and gathered Ralphie’s dishes to put in the dishwasher. He fiddled around a while, but kept finding himself going back to the letters and the picture.

He made himself some hot tea and headed upstairs. Sitting on his bed he reread the letters one more time. He finally lay back on his bed and picked up the phone. He had to struggle a minute to remember the number, but it finally connected.

When the line connected he heard a sleepy mumble. “It’s me. Am I calling too late?”

“Ian?” There was a small silence and Ian almost hung up the phone. “It’s so good to hear your voice, boy.”

Ian’s heart was thumping and he suddenly had to struggle to get the words to come out. “Jude.”

“I was just watching a ball game on the couch, son. You know how it is, just a sleepin’ through the commercials. I thought I’d never hear your voice again.” The happiness in Jude’s voice suddenly stopped. “Ian, son, is everything alright? Why you callin’?”

“I just needed to hear from home, Jude. I just needed to hear from home.”

“Well, that’s okay. We’re all doing good, just fine.”

“That’s good to hear.” Ian sat up on the bed, using one finger to pull the school picture out of the envelope. “I’m doing well, too. Tired, working hard…just a little lonely.”

“Lonely?” Jude got that tone in his voice, “That’s not what I been a hearin’”.

“You shouldn’t be listenin’ to all that gossip old man.”

“Well…just cause I hear it, don’ mean I repeat it, at least not most of it.” That made Ian laugh.

“Jude, I got a letter today, from Janie…”

It was silent a moment on both ends. “She told me she was gonna send one. That what’s put that sound in your voice?”

“What sound?”

“Aw, son. Everything’s fine here, you don’t need to fret none.”

“I know. I know. I just…Jude…he looks so much like...”

“Yes. Yes he does.”

“But they’re doing good? I mean…do they need anything? Money?”

“They so happy, boy. Don’t you worry none. They don’t need a thing, not one airy thing.”

“You’d tell me if they did, right, Jude?”

“Course I would.” Ian could see that look of reassurance in the man’s face even though he was hundreds of miles away. “Now, there ain’t a lot of building goin’ on right now, but Kyle’s still doin’ what ever little jobs he can, and Janie…she got a good job as a nursin’ aid or something at the hospital.”

“Janie’s a nurses aide?”

“Yep.” Ian could sense the pride in Jude’s voice. “When the boy went to school she started taken some classes, too. Got herself a degree and everything. Imagine that boy, a kid of mine with a degree!”

“Imagine that…and Aunt Hil?”

“Well, I won’t lie. She’s getting old, but doin’ fine. Ronnie goes over and sees her ever day, just like you…” There was a silence between them. “You done so good boy. You done so good.”

“Yeah, Jude. I just can’t…”

“Boy…” Jude’s voice got stern. “You buck up. Put all that right out of your head. Don’t you look back. Don’t you do it now.”

“Everything was just fine, just fine, and then I got a look at that little face.”

“Ian, son…” Jude struggled for words. “She’s gone. She ain’t coming back.”

“Yeah. I know.” Ian cleared his throat. “Listen, you tell that boy to expect a little something that will win that contest for him. Tell him there’s a Miss America next door to me that is determined to make it be.”

“I’ll tell him.” Jude chuckled.

“And Jude, tell them to watch the awards Sunday night.”

“The what?”

“Tell them to watch the Oscars, I’m taking Saxon Allen to the awards…”

Jude whistled. “You fin’ly hook up with that girl?”

“No!” Ian put on his stern voice. “Just a couple of friends reconnecting and going to a social event.”

“Uh huh.”

“Anyway…it’ll just make Saxon and I feel good knowing for sure that someone from home is watching and rooting her on, although I think she’ll throw up if she wins.”

“Ian? Can I ast you somethin’?”

“Of course. Anything, Jude, you know that.”

“Why didn’t the two of you ever get together? You and the little Allen girl?”

“You know why.”

“The Clare bitch?”

“Eventually.”

“So what’s stopping you now?”

The silence grew long. Jude finally spoke up. “Spit it out, boy. I know the answer, but you need to hear ya’self say it. Spit it out, now.”

Ian took a deep breath. “Taylor.”

“Ian, Taylor was a long time ago. You should be all over her by now.”

“Did you ever get over my mama?” Ian didn’t mean that to hurt, he really didn’t.

“Course not.” He heard the man sigh. “I miss your mama ever day, but I didn’t let that stop me.”

“I’m not letting it stop me, Jude. Look at what I’m doing, where I am.”

“I am, boy. You got a good job, and a good life, but bubba have ya got a good love?”

“Well there was Clare…”

“Ian, that wasn’t love, that was poon tang. That twernt serious.”

“I thought so.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Yes I did.”

“I ain’t gonna argue that. Let’s just say, you’da never married that woman, if I had to put a bullet in yer brain afore ya said I do!”

Jude always made Ian laugh, and he did. They both did. “Look son, I’m just saying don’t let the whole Clare thang keep you from lettin’ something good get away, and for Chris’ sakes if you wanna be true to Taylor, and I know you Ian Justyn. I know you do. You grab that hot little Grundy girl and you take a chance.”

“You are such a hound.”

“She-it!” Ian could almost see Jude’s face, a little gray grizzle and frustrated that he couldn’t put into words what was written all across that face. “You listen to me, boy. You listen good.”

“I’ll be alright, Jude. I will. It’s just seeing that little face, those eyes…it just brought her back to life.”

“I know how you feel, bubba. I feel that way when I look in yours.”

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