Ian enjoyed watching the boy and the boy kept looking over at Ian with a big grin on his face. He would change channels and ask if this was “okay”. Ian would nod and in a few seconds the boy would change it again, or pop up the little window at watch to things at once.
The cat remained fascinated with Ian, and Ian always had one eye focused on every move the little vermin made. When it jumped up into Ronnie’s lap, Ian breathed a sigh of relief. When it took a step towards Ian’s thigh he’d shoo it back. When the cat decided enough was enough and just plopped into his lap, Ian tensed up and told the boy, “Please, get this thing away from me.”
“Aw, it’s just a kitty.” Ronnie smiled and scooped the cat up and rubbed his cheek in its dirty fur.
“It’s an evil rodent and it doesn’t like me.”
“Ian Justyn!” Tippy tisked, taking the cat from the boy. “I cannot believe you. This precious little thing isn’t going to hurt you.”
“It smells nasty!” Ian cringed.
Tippy sniffed the now purring fur ball. “Well, you’re right about that. I’ll call tomorrow and make an appointment at a vet and a groomer.”
“Whatever, just keep it away from me.” Ian said flatly.
“Tessie!” Ronnie squealed. Tippy and Ian looked at Ronnie and he pointed excitedly to the screen. “It’s Tessie! I love her!”
Ian smiled. “She’s one of my favorites, too.”
“Can we watch her?” Ronnie asked. “Please?”
“Absolutely.” Ian snuggled back on the sofa and the boy snuggled next to him. Together they watched a syndicated rerun of an old HRT sitcom. It was a simple little farce with heavy doses of slapstick, the kind no one made anymore because no one watches. Ian always thought it was because once you’ve seen the best, why bother trying to recreate it, and next to Lucy and Carol Burnett, Tess Sinclair was the best.
They laughed and the giggled and they recited lines to each other that they knew by heart.
When the episode was over, Ian showed Ronnie how to work the TiVo, where he had saved his favorite episodes. They watched another and then another.
Before he knew it, the Shores and Kellen had disappeared and the boy had giggled himself to sleep curled up underneath Ian’s arm. He gently scooped up the child and carried him up to his bedroom. He knew eventually the boy would go to his own room downstairs, but Ian didn’t want him to wake up in the middle of the night in strange surroundings and not have any one there.
Once he had Ronnie all safe and snug under the covers of the big bed, Ian sat on the edge and just watched the child breath. He couldn’t believe the boy was now a part of his life. His mind was so full of questions and fears. Could he be a father? Would the child even let him? He leaned over and gently kissed the boy on the forehead.
The child stirred and looked at Ian. The boy reached out and grabbed Ian, clinging so tight and trembling. Ian could feel how much the boy hurt. He knew Ronnie was trying very hard, but he was still afraid and he knew instinctively how deeply troubled the boy was.
Ronnie Kyle started bawling, not crying mind you, bawling his little eyes out suddenly for no apparent reason. Ian held him and just let him wail. He hadn’t really cried at all, so Ian thought it was best just to encourage him and talk about it if he wanted. By the time he got him calmed down, at least down to sniffles, he looked at Ian as asked him if he was going to send him home.
“No, puppy, this is your home now. You don’t ever have to leave.” Ian said as the little guy just melted into him.
“You sure?” He cried.
“Absolutely.”
“No ones going to come and take me away?”
“No body. You are safe here. I promise.”
“And I’m your little boy now?” He sniffed.
“No Ronnie Kyle, you are my little man.”
He smiled. He squirmed underneath the cover but little tears dropped from his eyes again. “I miss my Mama and Daddy...Grampaw, too.”
“I know, puppy…I know…” Ian held him tight. “But do you know how lucky you are to have had a Mama and Daddy and a Grampaw? I didn’t have those growing up.”
“You did just fine.”
“Yes, I did…and now I have you, and you have me.”
“But I feel bad.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m happy and I don’t think I should be.”
“Why not?”
“Cause, cause of what happened…”
Ian took a deep breath. He wasn’t quite sure how to deal with that, but he knew he had to give it a shot. “I think its okay that you are happy. That’s why your Grampaw wanted you to come live with me.”
“It is?”
“Uh huh.” Ian slipped under the covers and pulled the boy as close as he could, kissing the top of his head and rocking him back and forth. “When I was your age and didn’t have any body, I had to stay there and it was lonely and I ached so much. I was never happy, until I was able to get away.”
“True?”
“True. So it’s better for you to be away from that place, so you don’t have to be all alone and sad all the time. You can be happy and safe. It’s okay to cry and be sad, you have to sometimes, but not all the time. And you’re so loved Ronnie Kyle. Everybody loves you, especially me. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Sometimes the best things happen because of the bad things.”
The boy snuggled. “Can I tell you somethin’?”
“You can tell me anything you want to…anytime.”
Ian felt the boy nod his head. “It’s a secret. Is that okay?”
“Sure. You can tell me your secrets, and I can tell you mine, and they will always just be between us.”
“Okay.” The boy said. In the dark, Ian felt Ronnie Kyle pull himself around so they were face to face.
Ian could see the tears trying to dry in his eyes. Ian smiled as best he could, kissed his forehead and wiped his little tears away.
Ronnie Kyle beckoned him closer with his finger. Ian turned his ear to his lips.
He heard the boy take a deep breath and say very slowly so that Ian would clearly understand. “I know you’re my daddy.”
And the little boy kissed his cheek and held him tighter than he ever had before. This time the tears were coming from Ian’s eyes, tears of painful joy and the all too real fear of how fragile joy was.
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