“What the hell are we watchin’ this crap for?” Kyle Osbourne harrumphed. “M’ ball games on!” He sat up in his la-z-boy and motioned with his hands. “Sunday night…ballgame…it’s what the good Lord intended.”
“Aw Kyle.” Janie sat by her son on the couch and handed him the steamy bag fresh out of the microwave. “Careful, honey pot. Ain’t gonna hurt you t’miss one ball game.”
“Do we gotta watch this shit?” He looked at the screen at all the women in fancy gowns sticking microphones in the faces of other woman in fancy gowns.
“Sparky Jarvis called this mornin’ and said her brother had called her to tell me that Daddy got a call tellin’ Ronnie to be sure and watch.” She shook the old bowl, now filled with popcorn. “Good hardly a burned piece at all.”
“The burned pieces is m’favorite.” Ronnie said.
“I like the old maids at the bottom.” She told him.
“I like them, too.” He said. “I like to suck the salt off and spit ‘em out.”
“You just like t’spit.” Kyle slammed back in his chair. “Who is all them people?” He pointed at the screen.
“It’s the ‘Cademy Rewards, Daddy.” Ronnie explained.
“Cademy Rewards?” He looked at his wife and tried not to smile. “What’s that?”
“Don’t you know nothin’?” The child asked.
“I reckon not, son. Gimme some a that popcorn.” He reached for a handful from the bowl. “Tell me ‘bout it.”
“Well…” The boy explained, sure of his expert knowledge. “It’s when all them people that makes the movies put on the nicest clothes they can find and throw a big party so they can make fun a each other’s clothes.”
“It is?”
“Uh huh, and when they get done withat, they give each other prizes.”
“Why do they give each other prizes?”
Ronnie had to think a moment. “I think it’s kinda a race, like they have down at Bristol, but with movies not cars. Whoever’s the best at it, gets a prize.”
“Well…that makes sense.” Kyle exchanged glances with his wife. “So is this the costume part or the prize part?”
“I ain’t sure." Ronnie thought as he spit an old maid back into the bowl when no one was watching.
Janie looked at the screen. “Oh look, that is the prettiest dress I’ve ever seed.”
“You’d look nice in that, Mommy.” Ronnie chewed thoughtfully. “Maybe I’ll save up my bottle money and get one just like it for ya on your birthday.”
“Why that’s real thoughtful honey pot, but I’d rather you save yer money for something you want.”
“But I want to gets it for ya. I bet they’ve got one just like it down at the Kmart, and surely it cain’t cost that much.” Ronnie pointed to a new woman on the screen. “Now that lady’s dress was spensive, you kin tell ‘cause otherwise she’d a been able to buy a comb fer her hair, too.”
Janie looked back at the screen. “Who’s that woman, Kyle? Don’t she look familiar?”
“She’s probably on one of yer stories, Janie.”
“No she’s not. The people on m’stories are real, not movie stars.”
Kyle leaned forward and squinted at the screen. “Well, I swan…I believe it’s that girl from Grundy, ain’t it? Turn it up…”
Janie half stood and reached over to turn the volume up and quickly sat back down. They could hear a woman say more clearly now…”
“Saxon you look beautiful tonight. Who are you wearing?”
“Oh thank you, Montana.” Saxon beamed at the camera and waved to someone they couldn’t see. “This is an Orlanda D’Gamo, an up and coming designer that I just adore.”
“It’s breath taking…and the jewelry?” she asked. Both the women’s heads turned to someone off screen.
Saxon giggled and slapped at someone they couldn’t see. “Be good…”
Montana got a wry grin on her face. “And speaking of beautiful, Saxon, I see besides the Tiffany bracelet on your arm, you are also sporting the exquisite Ian Justyn…come in closer and let us talk to you.”
“That’s Mr. Ian!” Ronnie pointed at the screen. “It’s Mr. Ian.”
“Oh no, I’m just arm candy tonight…thanks.”
“Stop.” Saxon tugged on Ian until the camera could get a good shot of them both. “You are nobody’s arm candy.” The camera could finally see them both in matching shades of dark blue.
“They are such a cute couple…” Janie murmured out loud.
“And who are you wearing, Ian?”
“Uh…Homer Thistlewhite…”
“Who?”
“Bill Blass…” Saxon giggled. “He’s wearing Bill Blass.”
“This must be a big night for both of you, small town kids…you went to school together I understand…”
“Old friends, very very old friends” Ian agreed.
“Ian…not that old.” Saxon chided him. “You talk like we’re wearing Depends.”
Ian pointed at Saxon. “She is…she has a terrible bladder control problem.”
Saxon covered her mouth, trying very hard not to snort, as Ian knew she tended to do when was able to keep her laughing.
“And now you are here together at the biggest night in Hollywood. Saxon there must be a lot of people from your small town glued to the set tonight. Would you want to say anything to them?”
“Oh, just how much I love ‘em and how much I appreciate all the support.”
“I’m sure you’ll have a chance to thank them all if you win.”
Saxon just smiled. You couldn’t help but notice Ian elbow Saxon just a little and nod toward the camera. “Oh, I almost forgot. I wanted to say hello to Ronnie Osbourne back in Lost Mountain, Virginia and to tell him that I hope he wins.”
Montana was a little flustered, but the Osbournes didn’t hear her, they were too busy shouting at each other.
No comments:
Post a Comment