The rodent with attitude jumped back up on the couch, sat on his haunches and blinked at Ian.
“Do we need to have a little chat, too?” He asked it.
It blinked again then took a precarious step towards him. “Oh no, you don’t.” Ian made an invisible box around himself with his hands. “This is my space.” He made a second invisible box around the cat. “That is yours.”
“Who you talking to, Baby Doll?” Tippy made her entrance into the living room.
“Just setting a few ground rules for that thing.” He pointed at the smoky colored long haired descendant of Satan.
“Cats don’t follow rules. At least not yours anyway.” She bent over and picked up the cat rubbing her nose on his. “Do ya, Sweetness?”
“Tippy, that’s just disgusting. Don’t touch its nose. You’ll get bola bola, or typhoid or cooties or something.” Ian shivered.
“You just don’t like cats because you can’t make them fit into your little patterns.”
“I don’t like them because they are unevolved forms of bacteria covered in hair.” Ian pointed at it. “And that one has it out for me. From the moment it popped out of the barn it’s been plotting…waiting for just the right moment.”
“Right moment for what?”
Ian studied it, now on it’s back in Tippy’s arms totally self-involved in having it’s belly stroked. “I’m not sure, but something horrific.”
“That’s just silly.”
“When Ronnie’s not around, it looks at me with those glowy black eyes, likes it’s storing up power to bore holes in my head while I’m sleeping.”
“Then why do you keep it around, Baby Doll?”
“Because it’s Ronnie’s, and Ronnie loves it, so it gets a pass until it slips up and reveals it’s evil plot to overthrow the universe.”
“Papa’s paying me ten dollars a week to keep it away from him.”
“Five dollars a week.”
Ronnie looked at Tippy. Tippy looked back at Ronnie. “I think he’s right Ronnie. This sweet little kitty is draining away parts of his mind.”
“Must be.” Ronnie shook his head in pity. “We agreed on ten dollars a week allowance, but then I left him alone in the room with the kitty. It’s slowly suckin’ his brains out.”
“Not happening.”
“Ten dollars a week or the brain suckin’ thing?”
“Either.”
“Well, just remember when you’re a drooling idiot with cat fur coming out your ears you had a chance for protection, but were too cheap.” Tippy looked at Ian.
“I think, for now, five dollars a week is plenty.” Ian said. “What do you need ten dollars a week for?”
“What do I need five for?” Ronnie put his hands on his hips. “Wait a minute. I don’t think that was a good argument.”
Tippy shoved the cat in Ian’s face. “Wanna hold the kitty?”
“Stop that!” Ian jumped back.
She took a step closer. “You sure?”
“Stop threatening me with that vermin. I’m sure the SPCA wouldn’t be happy.”
“What’s the SPCA?” Ronnie asked.
“A group of fanatics that keep Miss Americas from torturing people with furry things.”
“You’re just afraid of cats.” Tippy teased.
“I am not!” Ian insisted.
“They are so precious.” She rubbed under its chin, who in turn closed its eyes and purred loudly. “See, it’s so happy.”
“My point exactly.” Ian insisted again. “When it’s happy it sounds like a motor revving up to grind it’s unsuspecting prey into bits like a…like a Chubb Chubb!”
“What’s a Chubb Chubb?” Ronnie asked.
Tippy and Ian looked at each other. “Oooh…The Chubb Chubbs.”
“I’ll get a copy for him.” Tippy said.
“I already have one, but a back up wouldn’t hurt.” Ian said. “What brings you over besides torturing me?”
“I thought you might need a little parenting help.”
“Afraid I can’t do it?” Ian asked.
“Well, I didn’t have visions of Adam Sandler asking Ronnie if he could wipe his own butt, but I thought there might be a few things I could help with.”
“So you come over here and shove a lower life form in my face to show my son how to get his way?”
“Cool!” Ronnie piped in. “Does that mean I get my ten dollars a week?”
“Holding at five.”
“Can I hold the kitty?”
“Kitty’s fine, dear.” Tippy smiled at the boy. “Now, tell me Sugar Plum, what kind of chores do you have to do for your five a week?”
“Well…make my bed, pick up my clothes, help keep the house clean and…” Ronnie did a dead on imitation of Ian “…Keep that evil varmint away from me.”
“Uh hmm.” Tippy nodded her head. “Honey, that sounds like five dollars a week to me. I’m assuming you get extra when you do more?”
“Yes’m” He looked sincerely at Tippy. “I offered to gather the eggs and help in the garden, but we don’t have none. Kin you believe that?”
“I see.” She looked at Ian. “That would definitely have called for a bigger allowance. Now, Ian do you have a problem with paying the child more if he does more chores?”
“Not at all.”
“Okay.” Tippy looked at Ronnie. “Well, someone is going to have to feed the cat and change the litter box. I’m sure that’s worth ten bucks a week.”
“Oh my God! Litter box?” Ian shrieked. “It doesn’t use the toilet?”
“’Corse not.” Ronnie said. “If it did you’d find a way to knock it in and flush.”
“Can we train it to use the toilet?” Ian asked.
“No!” Resounded from both Ronnie and Tippy.
“Okay, Ronnie. You keep that thing fed and make sure I never ever think about a litter box again and that’s worth ten a week. Deal?”
“Deal!”
Tippy looked at her watch. “Baby Doll. Shouldn’t you be heading off to work?”
“Usually by this time, but…”
“Well, why don’t you scoot along? Ronnie and I have things to do today.”
“I thought I’d take off until we got settled.”
“Baby Doll, this is a busy time of year for you. You have to go to work.”
“Yes, but I haven’t had time to arrange for a babysitter or anything. That’s not something you can rush.”
“Of course not, but between me and the boys we’ve got you covered for a while.”
“I can’t ask you to…”
“Nonsense. It’s what family is for. Now you’ve got a fall schedule to put together. Your son is your first priority, that’s a given but other people depend on you, too. You can’t let them down without letting him down. We’ll all work together to find the proper balance.”
“Well…”
“You go in and figure out how to make all of America tune in and Ronnie and I will go pick out some clothes and a few things he needs that he doesn’t have any more.”
“Tippy I do not want you spoiling this child.”
“Oh, I’m real hard to spoil.” Ronnie piped in.
Tippy smiled. “I’ll work real hard to do that then.” She turned back to Ian. “And I’ve made an appointment with the vet.”
“You mean pediatrician.”
“No vet. For the kitty.” Tippy held the kitten up. “He’s a little burned and we need to get shots and that sort of thing.”
“Just put it away.” Ian waved his hands in the air.
Tippy handed the cat to Ronnie and reached in her purse. “Now I took the liberty of writing down a few things that you need to do.” She handed Ian a small notebook. “…said pediatrician, schools.”
“Schools.” Ian flipped open the pad. “We’ve talked about schools.”
“I’m not sure if you need to call or if Mr. Jude needs to call. I’m sure they know what’s happened but you’ll need to get his files transferred. It’s all written down and I’ve highlighted the priorities. I know how you like to how everything written down.”
“Thank you Tippy. This helps a lot.”
“Now Sugar Plum, how many more weeks of school did you have left?”
“Ummm…” Ronnie thought hard.
“When did you get out for summer vacation?” Tippy asked.
“May 24th.” Ronnie answered immediately.
“We could probably arrange for him to just take tests here at home and then take our time finding a school to enroll him in for fall.”
“But that would mean having a tutor.” Ian pulled out a pen and wrote tutor on a sheet in the pad.
“Baby Doll, I can do that. I have two PhD’s and I home schooled the boys for a while. We just need to double check and make sure it satisfies academic requirements. No need to panic. You just need to make the first phone calls and give the okay for me to take over.”
Ian began to write more on the pad. Tippy reached over and took the pen from his hand. “Okay, Baby Doll. Take a deep breath. This is all going to be easier than putting together a multi-million dollar series deal. Where’s your back pack?”
“On the chair in my bedroom. Where else would it be?”
“Of course.” Tippy smiled. “Ronnie, honey, run upstairs and get Ian’s back pack.”
“’Kay.” He headed toward the stairs.
“And look around up there for his cell phone. Your in charge of that now, too.” Tippy yelled after him. She turned to Ian. “Okay, now let’s you and me have a little chat.”
Ian blinked at Tippy. “’kay?”
“I know you’re a little overwhelmed. That’s okay, to be expected.”
“Maybe a little.”
“Maybe a lot.” She smiled. “When you get overwhelmed you tend to get extremely anal retentive and start making lists of lists.”
Ian closed the pad and laid it on the coffee table.
“You’re a good man, Ian Justyn, a strong man. But you’re a man, so you have a few faults. Nothing major, just annoying.”
Ian squinted his eyes.
“Like that one.” Tippy smiled and Ian laughed. “The one fault you’ve got to work on is to not be afraid to ask for help, even from your son. We all love you, and because of that we’re willing to let you lean, because you let us lean on you. It kind of keeps us all walking in a straight line.”
“I’ve just never had anyone to…”
Tippy cupped Ian’s chin in her hand. “And now you do. You are so good at putting your head down and plowing through adversity. Just remember now there’s more than just yourself helping you to do it. Now, I’ll take care of Ronnie while you’re at work. It’ll give me something to do. Colton’s busy with the show now and my boys are all grown. You and Ronnie can be my pet project.”
“Thank you, Tippy. I’ll do my best to be good at this.”
“Baby Doll, there’s no instruction manuel. You just kind of make it up as you go along. Being a parent is God’s way of getting even with you for everything you did to your parents growing up.”
“I didn’t have any parents growing up.” Ian reminded her.
“See?” Tippy smiled. “No sins to pay for. This’ll be a breeze. Now, just remember you’re in charge. You probably haven’t noticed but I can be a little pushy…”
“You can?”
“Just a little.” She playfully patted him on the cheek. “Now, you just make sure your family knows how you want things done, and we’ll all pitch in. You and I haven’t known each other long, but we’ve got a good partnership going already.”
“You mean who ever gets to it first does it and who ever comes along next does it the right way?”
“Exactly. Now, you are Ronnie’s daddy…”
“Papa, he wants to call me Papa.”
“That’s darlin’…” Tippy smiled and launched right into the Tippy Steamroller Express.
“Now, Ronnie and I will take the cat to the vet and the groomer, then we’ll go shopping. I’ll text you every step of the way. Ronnie, see if you can find a red colored blackberry, you know a phone like thing. Your Papa will need that, too. I just bought a few clothes for him. I thought it would be best to let him pick out his own wardrobe. Is there anything in particular you think he might need? Just text me if you think of anything. We should also think about arranging some play dates with other children. I’ll call the Tyson’s. Their boys are younger, but they’re so outdoorsy and all boy. Do you think Ronnie likes to fish?”
“I like fishin’” Ronnie chirped in as he hauled Ian’s backpack down the stairs.
“Have you ever been fishing on the ocean?” Tippy helped him with the backpack.
“No, jus’ the creek.”
“Well, you’re Papa and I have some friends with two little boys we thought you might like to meet. They go fishing on the ocean. Would you like that?”
“Sure. Will you go with me Papa?”
“Of course.” Tippy was busy putting Ian’s backpack on him and heading him toward the door. “Wait! Phone…”
“In the little zipper thingy. I found it on the floor by the bed.” Ronnie said.
“Ronnie, do you mind if I go to work? If you want me to stay with you, I will.”
“I reckon it’s awright.” Ronnie said. “What time will you be back?”
“I’m not sure, but I will make it a point to be home for dinner. I think we should make dinner and eat together every day we can.”
“I’d like that.”
Tippy handed Ian his car keys and walked him to the door. “Baby Doll, keep your blackberry in your pocket and we’ll text you all day long. When we’re done how ‘bout if I bring him over to the studio and you can come home together.”
“Yeah. That’s good.” Ian couldn’t say much more because Tippy had shoved him into the garage and shut the door.
She turned to Ronnie. “Okay, Sugar Plum. Let’s see just how hard you are to spoil.”
“It’s gonna take a lot, but you’ll vench’ly get there.” Ronnie smiled.
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