Vignette #66: Simple

Ian felt like his body had just hit the ground. He counted to three, took a breath and then auto piloted into worker mode. Within the hour a small graveside funeral had been arranged.

He wanted flowers, lots of flowers, as Aunt Hil had loved them so. Colton reminded him that calling every flower shop in six counties in Southwest Virginia would attract attention and turn a respectful tribute into a circus.

Ian remembered how one year he had mowed yards and saved enough money to buy a simple yellow tea rose bush that he had given to his Aunt Hil on her birthday. She planted it in front of the Spring House in her back yard, where the full Virginia sun would nurture it and she could see it’s blooms first thing every morning from her kitchen window.

Kyle Osborne had agreed to transplant it at the foot of her grave in September, the first month with an “R” in it after summer, just as she had taught him—the “R”s in September, October, November and December stood for “reborn”, and Ian could then give his Aunt Hil the little yellow roses she adored every day for the rest of his life.

He had arranged a simple tombstone as well. It would be just what she wanted, stating her name and life span, nothing fancy, just dignified and strong like her. He had them add a small epitaph at the bottom. “The strongest woman God ever created, so strong she gave hope to those who needed to learn the meaning of the word.”

Ian didn’t cry. He wanted to so badly, but he just felt empty. His life was so full, and he finally had that family of heart he had heard talked about. The Shores, and his family at work; they made him laugh and helped to him feel purpose.

They even loved him. Although he didn’t feel worthy of the feeling and wasn’t sure he even knew what it was to give it back. He did the best he could and they gave him a connection to the future, but it was his past that still dangled there blowing freely in an uncreated world.

Everyone he knew all had pasts, pasts that they happily retold. They were all tales that that in the telling would give their faces a special sentimental glow. Ian's past had been shoved into the recesses of his mind with nightmares of the boogey man, never forgotten nights hiding in fear, and echoes of pain that simply bounced around in his empty soul.

With Aunt Hil gone, even his past didn’t even exist any more. What little there was worth remembering was gone. The question that haunted him the most was how could he move forward when there was nothing behind him to more forward from.

It haunted him in his sleep. He heard it calling him. “Ian…Ian…” and then it touched his shoulder. Ian felt the nightmare touch and jostle him. He sat straight up and screamed.

“Ian…Ian…it’s okay…it’s just me…Reese!” Ian opened his eyes and realized that Reese was holding him by the shoulders and Ian was screaming at the top of his lungs in terror.

You okay, buddy?” Reese was definitely concerned.

Ian took a deep breath and pulled himself together. “Yeah…yeah…you just woke me in the middle of a nightmare.”

“Must have been pretty awful…”

“It was…”

“You need help getting out of here?” Ian just looked at him not sure what he was saying, still a little groggy from the sleeping pills that Tippy insisted he take before he stepped onto Reese’s little plane.

“We’ve landed for the night. It’s almost dark, we’ve got time to rest and then about another three hours in the morning whenever you’re ready.” Reese explained.

“Oh, yeah…sure.” Ian looked around him, just to get his bearings. “Why don’t you go ahead and get refueled whatever you need done while I get my act together.”

“Already got that done, just need you…even managed to rent a car to get us around tonight.”

Reese helped Ian to stand and gather a small bag he would take with him. The rest would be safe in the plane, locked up in the hanger over night. Ian not used to taking Ambien, was way too groggy drive, so Reese would be driver of the car for the trip as well.

They drove about twenty minutes and checked in to a small hotel. Bags were taken up and then immediately back out to the car to find a nice place to relax and eat.

They had a nice meal at a little Mom and Pop diner somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Ian had no idea where they were and didn’t ask. Ian really just wanted to be alone. He was not used to sharing his misery.

Tippy had wanted the entire Shores clan to go with him. She insisted that his new family needed to pay respect to the old. After a few minutes of loving argument, Ian compromised and allowed Reese to clear his bookings and fly him to Lost Mountain and back.

“You okay, Ian?” Reese asked looking up from his pie.

“Fine, just still groggy from whatever it was your mother shoved down my throat.”

Reese studied Ian. “You’re not a very good liar.”

Ian looked at his friend and tried to reassure him. “I’m doing the best that I can, Reese, really.”

“I know you are.” Reese put down his fork and shoved the almost eaten pie to the side. “Can you handle this?”

“Don’t have much of a choice do I?”

“Do you want to talk about it? It may help.”

Ian smiled. “Thanks, but I’m fine. It’s not like I haven’t been through a death before. Every time I turn around, some one dies. You’d think that all of this would be second nature by now, but it isn’t. Aunt Hil…she was one of the few constants.”

Reese drained the last of his soft drink. “Ian, that’s not what I’m talking about. Are you going to be able to handle…you know, the other thing?”

“What other thing?” Ian looked up at Reese from the bits of crust he was pushing around his own plate with a fork.

Reese reached across the table and pushed the plate away from him. “I figured it out, or at least I’ve got a really good idea. I notice things, remember?”

Ian looked at the table, no longer able to look him in the eye. “How did you…?”

“I just put two and two together…the letter, the way it was worded. They way you trembled…just a little, and then it started to make sense to me. I never understood why you always had that look in your eyes.”

“Look?”

“Of hurt, fear, shame, it had to be more than just being a poor orphan. Hell, Mom and Dad were both raised dirt poor but they never have that look of knowing what it’s like to have your heart ripped out and the fear that it’s going to happen again.”

Reese touched Ian’s hand. Ian moved his hands from the tabletop and put them in his lap. Reese pulled his hand back over to his side. “I would, but they wouldn’t.”

Ian nodded. “Sorry. It comes and goes. I guess I’ll always wonder.”

“You made the right decision, Ian. It was good, for everyone one.”

“Things are different now. It just makes me wonder what it would be like, if…”

“Ian, if you’d made a different decision maybe things wouldn’t be the way they are now.”

Ian nodded again. “I can do this. It’ll be fine. Maybe in some small way it will help me to put it all back in the little box it came from and bury it for good.”

Reese nodded his head. “Yeah. Ready to go?”

They talked little the rest of the night. Ian read some, and Reese watched TV. They did both manage to get a few hours of sleep, but as soon as the sun came up, they packed what little they checked in with and headed back to Reese’s plane.